Looney Laws, Ordinances, and Rules
I'm sure that each of these laws served some sort of purpose when they were made, but now we can all look back at them and say, "What the heck were they thinking?"
- It is illegal to play dominoes on Sunday.
- It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
- Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.
- In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
- While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
- In Tucson, it is illegal for women to wear pants.
- In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a Native American.
- In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse.
- In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders.
- In Fayetteville, it is illegal to kill "any living creature."
- School teachers who bob their hair may forfeit their pay raises.
- It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
- In Pacific Grove, "molesting" butterflies can result in a 0 fine.
- It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license.
- In Long Beach, it is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.
- It is illegal to cry on the witness stand in Los Angeles courts.
- In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
- In Pueblo, it is illegal to let a dandelion grow within city limits.
- In Hartford, it is illegal to educate a dog.
- It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
- In New Britain, the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 m.p.h., even when going to a fire.
- Getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment.
- It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.
- Unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed.
- In Sarasota, it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit.
- All males in the state between the ages of 16 and 50 are required to work on public roads.
- In Quitman, it is illegal for a chicken to cross a road.
- It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down.
- It is illegal to appear in public wearing only swimming trunks.
- It is illegal to own a mongoose without a permit.
- Also in Pocatello, "It is prohibited for pedestrians and motorists to display frowns, grimaces, scowls, threatening and glowering looks, gloomy and depressed facial appearances, generally all of which reflect unfavorably upon the city's reputation."
- Boxes of candy given as romantic gifts must weigh more than 50 pounds.
- In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in one's pajamas.
- In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera.
- According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American."
- In Gurnee, it is illegal for women weighing more than 200 pounds to ride horses in shorts.
- In Joliet, it is illegal to mispronounce the name Joliet.
- Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend.
- In Gary, it is illegal to attend the theater within four hours of eating garlic.
- The Stepford Wives is banned in a Warsaw school.
- State law forbids any establishment from charging admission to see a one-armed piano player.
- In Fort Madison, firemen are required to practice for 15 minutes before attending a fire.
- It is illegal for restaurants to sell cherry pie а la mode on Sundays.
- In Wichita, a man's mistreatment of his mother-in-law may not be used as grounds for divorce.
- In Wichita, it is illegal to carry a concealed bean snapper.
- In Lang, it is illegal to ride a mule down Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat.
- In Natoma, it is illegal to throw a knife at anyone wearing a striped shirt.
- State law stipulates that a person is considered sober until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
- It is illegal to remarry the same man four times.
- In Kentucky it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than 6 feet long.
- In New Orleans, fire trucks are required by law to stop at all red lights.
- It is considered "simple assault" to bite someone in New Orleans; it is "aggravated assault" if the biter has false teeth.
- It is against the law to gargle in public.
- In Portland, it is illegal for men to tickle women under the chin with feather dusters.
- The most money one can legally win gambling is three dollars.
- In Rumford, it is illegal for a tenant to bite his/her landlord.
- In Waterville, it is illegal to blow one's nose in public.
- In Baltimore, it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks, no matter how dirty they get.
- Every person who has bowled since 1833 may be fined for each offense.
- In Halethorpe, it is illegal to kiss for more than one second.
- It's illegal to mistreat oysters.
- It's illegal to play Randy Newman's "Short People" on the radio.
- It is illegal to wear a goatee without a license.
- North Andover prohibits its citizens from carrying "space guns."
- State legislation forbids dueling with water pistols.
- In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so.
- In 1659, the state outlawed Christmas.
- A state law stipulates that a woman's hair legally belongs to her husband.
- In Detroit, it is illegal to make love in a car unless it is parked on your property.
- In Port Huron, the speed limit for ambulances in 20 m.p.h.
- Under state law, dentists are officially classified as "mechanics."
- Women may face up to 30 days in jail if they impersonate Santa Claus.
- In Minneapolis, double-parkers can be put on a chain gang.
- Every man in Brainerd is required by law to grow a beard.
- It's illegal to tease skunks.
- It is still legal to kill one's "servant."
- In Truro, a would-be groom must "prove himself manly" prior to marriage by hunting and killing either six blackbirds or three crows.
- In Saco, women are forbidden from wearing hats that "might frighten timid persons, children or animals."
- While children may purchase shotguns in Kansas City, they are not allowed to buy toy cap guns.
- Missouri considers drunkenness an "inalienable right."
- It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail.
- It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.
- In Whitehall, it is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels.
- It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license.
- In Waterloo, barbers are forbidden from eating onions between 7am and 7pm.
- In Omaha, barbers are forbidden from shaving their customers' chests.
- If a child burps during a church service in Omaha, his or her parents may be arrested.
- It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
- In Nyala, a man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day.
- It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
- In Eureka, men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women.
- Everyone walking on the streets of Elko is required to wear a mask.
- It is illegal to sell the clothes one is wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
- It is illegal to check into a hotel under an assumed name.
- It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer.
- In Newark, it is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.
- It is illegal to slurp soup.
- In Trenton, it is illegal to throw a bad pickle in the street.
- In Raton, it is illegal for a woman to ride horseback down a public street with a kimono on.
- The Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary is banned in Carlsbad.
- In New York City, "It is disorderly conduct for one man to greet another on the street by placing the end of his thumb against the tip of his nose, at the same time extending and wiggling the fingers of his hand."
- In Charlotte, women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.
- In Asheville, it is illegal to sneeze on city streets.
- In Fargo, one may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place.
- It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
- It is illegal to serve beer and pretzels at the same time in any bar, club, or restaurant.
- In Columbus, it is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.
- In Youngstown, it is illegal to run out of gas.
- Catch 22 is banned in Strongville.
- People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
- One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e., that which covers one's body from neck to knee.
- The town of Hood River prohibits the act of juggling without a license.
- Salem has barred women's wrestling.
- In Marion, ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon.
- "Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes."
- In Morrisville, women need a permit to wear cosmetics.
- In Providence, it is illegal to sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.
- It is illegal to throw pickle juice on a trolley.
- In Newport, it is illegal to smoke a pipe after sunset.
- Every citizen is obliged to carry his gun to church.
- No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.
- In Charleston, all carriage horses must wear diapers.
- It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
- Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.
- It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
- In Dyersburg, it is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
- In Memphis restaurants, it is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie must be eaten on the premises.
- Also in Memphis, it is illegal for a woman to drive by herself; "a man must walk or run in front of the vehicle, waving a red flag in order to warn approaching pedestrians and motorists."
- The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
- A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
- It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
- In Houston, it is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
- In LeFors, it is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing.
- In Mesquite, it is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
- Birds have the right of way on all highways.
- A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
- In Monroe, daylight must be visible between partners on a dance floor.
- Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.
- It is illegal to deny the existence of God.
- It is illegal to whistle underwater.
- In Richmond, it is illegal to flip a coin in any eating establishment to determine who buys a cup of coffee.
- There is a state law prohibiting "corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates."
- In Lebanon, it is illegal to kick your wife out of bed.
- Seattle residents may not carry concealed weapons longer than six feet.
- It is illegal to pretend that one's parents are rich.
- In Nicholas County, no clergy members may tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during church services.
- It is illegal to snooze on a train.
- In St. Croix, women are not allowed to wear anything red in public.
- It is illegal to cut a woman's hair.
- It is illegal to kiss on a train.
- Cheese making requires a cheese maker's license; Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license.
- It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people's view in a public theater or place of amusement.